Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
