I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
