There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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