Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
