All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
