I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
