My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
