dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
