We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
