I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
