just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You ruined the universe
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
