The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
