We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
