This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
