3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
