Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My life is pants optional.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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