I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
