it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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