So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
