Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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