just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
