so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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