OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
