I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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