My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
