Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
