Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
