Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize