I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
