Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
