Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
