I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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