Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
