I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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