I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
