He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
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