I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
