found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
