you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
