I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
