I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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