I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
