I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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