Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
