Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
