My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My vagina is officially offended.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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