I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
