Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
