i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
