I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
