Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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