You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
