There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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