dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
