Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
