Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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