I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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