Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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