she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
