Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
