who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
