1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
not ubering you a puppy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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