He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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