My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
