So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize