Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
