Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
