my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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