You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
